Three False Narratives Managers Tell Themselves (And the Truth That Sets Them Free)
When someone steps into a leadership role for the first time, they inherit more than a new title. They inherit beliefs about what leadership should look like. These beliefs feel responsible. They feel safe. They feel like proof that their promotion was hard-earned and well-deserved.
Those beliefs are also holding them back.
The false narratives managers tell themselves aren't malicious or intentional. They're survival mechanisms born from pressure, fear, and misaligned definitions of what good leadership looks like. Left unchallenged, these narratives create bottlenecks where there should be momentum, dependency where there should be growth, and paralysis where there should be adaptive action.
In this post, we'll break down three of the most common false narratives and explore the truths that set managers free to lead with clarity, build capable teams, and move with confidence.
Narrative #1: “I need to solve every problem.”
Managers believe their value comes from being the shock absorber between their team and the organization. They think "the buck stops with me" means personally intercepting every problem, chasing down every answer, and rescuing their team from every challenge.
In reality, though, this approach creates a sense of learned helplessness. When you have every answer, the fear of being wrong cascades through your team. People are denied on-the-job learning and stretch opportunities. You become a bottleneck for progress, information, and success.
Managers need to shift from shock absorbers to talent enablers. Here’s how…
Ask diagnostic questions. “Give me the background. What are you really struggling with here?”
Transfer agency. “How would you like me to support you in this instance?”
Create psychological safety for setbacks. “If you get stuck, I want you to know you can tell me what additional support you need.”
Know when to coach and when to solve. “I don’t know. Let me find out.” or “Let’s work through this together.”
The buck stops with you when it comes to accountability for outcomes, but that doesn’t mean you have a license to do it all yourself.
Narrative #2: “I need to create a culture of equality.”
Managers believe they need a consistent approach that works for everyone. They think that treating everyone the same equals fairness, so uniformity becomes the strategy. After all, it removes any basis for accusations of favoritism or unequal support.
Be careful not to conflate equality—treating everyone the same—with equity—giving everyone what they need to succeed. Born out of the desire to avoid playing favorites comes the level playing field. The problem with that approach is that the best teams are rarely made of equally-matched players. Each member of your team has unique strengths, challenges, backgrounds, and experiences. So when you try to take a one-size-fits-all approach to developing them professionally, no one truly wins.
Managers need to shift from equality to equity. Here’s how…
Set expectations for development upfront. Invite the team to share their strengths, experiences, and interests. Make the diversity undeniable, and remind them that diverse teams need diverse approaches to growth.
Have ongoing development conversations. You need to host regular 1-on-1s, carving out time from tactical updates to ask “How do you want to grow here?” and “What do you need to get there?” Acknowledge that their answers aren’t set in stone, so this conversation will evolve.
Co-create clear goals and action steps. Work together to break down goals into incremental actions that feel appropriate to both of you. Empower them to voice the skills and opportunities they need.
Though the outcomes vary, make the process transparent. Help the team understand that similar—but not identical—conversations are happening with everyone. Invite them to iterate with you regularly. Remind them that professional development is custom-made, and that means it may look different from one person to the next.
Think of your team as chess pieces, not checkers. Each one moves differently and plays its own unique part in the team’s endgame.
Narrative #3: “I need a perfect plan before getting started.”
Managers believe they need to see the entire path, have all the information, and guarantee the outcome. Only then can they take action.
Very few industries—if any—afford that luxury. Our world is turbulent, uncertain, non-linear, and ambiguous. If you’re stuck in decision-paralysis, you risk missing opportunities and frustrating your team with your inaction. Your high performers will only tolerate that for so long before they look for new opportunities within or beyond the organization. Or worse—they become disengaged and stick around.
Managers need to shift from having a perfect plan to taking a well-informed first step. Here’s how…
Think like a scientist. Use the information you currently have to form a hypothesis. Then run the experiment, knowing full well that your hypothesis might be wrong.
Build in feedback loops. Involve your team. Involve your peers. Involve your own manager. Ask yourself for feedback through reflection. Make adjustments. Host retrospectives.
Adapt as you learn. Treat failed experiments as data. Focus on what you can confidently do next with what’s known now.
In addition to making this shift yourself, you’ll signal to your team that there is such a thing as intelligent and acceptable failure. Because it’s believed that failure is unacceptable, you are giving your team permission to keep you in the dark on the things that can really cause damage.
Rewriting Your Narrative
If you're working through one (or all) of these narratives, you're not alone. These patterns are common because they're deeply rooted in how we think about leadership.
The good news? They're reversible. I work with managers navigating exactly these shifts—from shock absorber to enabler, from equality to equity, from perfect plans to scientific steps.
If you'd like to talk through what's coming up for you in your role, schedule a discovery call.
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